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Depression
I
will try to offer the vision of depression that my own experience and the
observation of other people with that great problem has given to me, aware of
the difficulty of approaching this subject. As we previously discussed, the depression
originates due to exaggerated desire, to disappointment and anxiety. When an
event or situation generates anxiety in us, we will wish for something to happen
that will solve our anxiety, and will consider vital for us, to a smaller or
greater extent, the resolution of that anxiety, as well as of the situation that
has caused it; because, in fact, if it causes us anxiety it is because we really
consider that situation dangerous to us. Along with the sensation
of anxiety we will experience, with more or less intensity, the sensation of
loss or depression; since, our being receives from and imagines in that supposed
danger what we believe in a cognitive way: that we can lose part of our life or
our well-being, and so experience the danger with that emotion of loss, sadness
and discouragement. That experience can be lived with a smaller
or greater intensity, on the basis of the degree of belief (cognitive, not only
rational) we have about everything being lost. Thus, as we experience moments and periods
of anxiety, we also experience moments of sadness and depression, although our
reaction before that emotion is not exactly the same in every individual, as it
happens when experiencing fear. Those moments of sadness and depression mark our
life significantly; because, the more moments of those characteristics we live,
the more they condition our way of seeing reality, our way of thinking and our
behaviour, influenced by that emotion and the chemistry it generates in our
organism. As it happens with anxiety, this emotion
generates its own chemistry, in which we are downcast and without
appetence, short of any type of motivation and illusion. We prefer not to carry
out any type of task, "not to waste or squander" energy on any type of
effort, because under its effects we consider that nothing is worth the trouble.
We do not want to have hope again so as not to suffer disappointment anymore and
therefore our joy is absent. We believe happiness is a deceit, at least for us;
and, in short, like the crisis of panic and the intense fear mark our life and
generate a framework of avoidance conducts and countless recurrent fears, when
the experience of the emotion of loss is very frequent and intense, it
conditions our life, guiding it through a sea of ominous pessimism. Our mind becomes a
specialist in "filtering" thoughts loaded with negativity, with
despondency in the present and a doomed future. “Everything is the colour of
the glass one looks through” as we say in If there is an emotional state that is
difficult to change this is the state of loss, especially when it is deeply
rooted; because, although other states are harder to endure, as is the case of
extreme anxiety, this one has the special feature of lacking motivation, in
addition to being accompanied by the anxiety problem it has generated, this is
the reason why the individual that suffers it usually faces a double problem:
the anxiety makes him depressed and the depression prevents him from working to
overcome his anxiety, as well as his depression. How does the sensation of
loss or depression go from being felt only at certain precise moments, to form
part of our daily life? Let´s imagine an extreme situation and its
sense in our survival, as the panic attack can be, in which the emotion of loss
or depression will, without a doubt, make an active appearance. When we experience a panic attack, our
being truely thinks that it risks dying imminently, and we experience, along
with the rest of the sensations unchained during the crisis, that heavy
paralyzing load that differentiates the emotion of loss from the rest of the
sensations that our anxiety generates in us; because, at those moments, we think
that everything is lost and that our life is on the verge of finishing.
Although, before that overwhelming and paralyzing emotion we can react in
different forms, and mobilize ourselves in search of a solution motivated by our
great anxiety, or being paralyzed by the force of that emotion of loss. Let´s imagine such a situation in animals,
such as a gazelle, the victim of panic before the presence of a lion. It runs
and fights to survive during a period of time; but, when it feels death from the
mouth of the lion it is paralyzed, submissive. This attitude varies from one
prey to another, but happens on some occasions. I do not know for sure what
function this fulfills in survival; perhaps their immobilization and apparent
absence saves them on some occasion from being devoured by their hunters, and
this way survive. We might have observed the same type of attitude in the
popular celebrations in which bulls are let loose and people run with them;
sometimes when an individual is besieged by the bull and is without escape, he
chooses to be motionless, which often gives the result that the animal does not
attack the cornered person. Perhaps that emotion, as well as the
remainder of those our life comprises of, had a role, and continues to have, in
our evolution and survival in general. Taking into account that our anxiety has
manifested and manifests itself in us to help us survive, and that its intensity
varies based on how dangerous and threatening we consider the events that
generate it, we can also consider the emotion of loss or depression as one more
amongst the set of instruments available
for our survival. Thus, we can perceive that emotion which
announces everything is lost, with different intensity and influence in the
whole of our being without even having experienced on any occasion an extreme
situation. Small anxieties will bring small depressions, and great anxieties,
intense experiences of that emotion; although both emotions do not have to keep
a direct proportional relation. As with the remainder of our personality
elements, our genetic inheritance, our education and background, play a
determining role in the development and importance of that emotion; this is the
reason why in similar circumstances some people get more depressed than others. Thus, we will experience that emotion
before the perception, real or imaginary, of losing our life, or a part of it we
consider important. This could be a part of our body, a family member; our job
or to fail an examination, if we consider it vital for our future; being
rejected by another person, if we think that implies that we have lost his or
her company, friendship, or that we have not gained it even having wished so,
etc. We react before the anxiety with the
behaviour of avoidance, of “fight or flight”; and influenced also, to a
smaller or greater extent, by this emotion of loss. When we experience that
anxiety, with the emotion of loss, and, later on, we wish to find a solution to
what we consider to be the cause
of our malaise, that makes us feel
threatened, we hope for a better future in which we have been able to surpass
that problem, or in which our luck has changed for the better and our grief has
disappeared. While we hope for a better future we feel better and,
motivated, we carry out tasks and we make an effort to adopt attitudes with
which to overcome our fears and threats. Nevertheless, the illusion is a double
edged weapon, and we tend to imagine ourselves, immersed in its pleasant
chemistry, a future that, although imaginary, is of little reality; even if our
future is attractive and it agrees on some occasion exactly with our illusions,
it is tremendously difficult for this to occur, because finding a better job, a
wonderful person or any other reality we had hoped for, it will be difficult to
match our illusion exactly. For that reason, on most occasions, an illusion, a
strong desire in respect to a future event, will bring with itself a
disappointment, this is an emotion of loss, that nothing is worth the trouble,
that we do everything incorrectly, that making an effort and that having this
illusion we will only disappoint ourselves and suffer the consequences. That way, our moments of anxiety will
have generated moments of that emotion of loss, and as a whole, desires to end
our suffering and malaise, translated into actions, illusions and efforts
destined to surpass the supposed reason for our suffering. When our illusions
match the reality and our desires are not anxieties, those efforts and attitudes
are compensated, sensation satisfied with ourselves and life in general;
however, when we long for something the destiny cannot or does not want to give
us, we feel sad and unfortunate, immersed in that emotion of loss and its
conditions. So, to make an example, somebody can do
their utmost completely in an objective, wishing, or better, longing for that
objective to be fulfilled; they can consider it vital for him/her to reach a
point, and to feel an enormous disappointment at the moment one´s mind
interprets, right or wrongly, that there is no longer hope to obtain what one
wishes for. Something similar will happen when we must
say good bye to a loved one, if
we have previously considered that possibility and have employed all our desire
and illusion so that what we fear so much will not happen. Also if the loss is
sudden and unexpected, and our mind does not manage to see a future without that
being or that part of ourselves we have lost The fact that we experience that emotion
with a lot of intensity does not signify that we have to remain conditioned by
it for the rest of our lives, neither that if
we do not experience a lot of anxiety or that emotion intensely, on no occasion
will we suffer these consequences. As we said previously there a lot of factors that
intervene in the extension of the framework of that emotion in the life of a
person, here we will try some aspects that I consider significant. "Benefits"
of loss. Referring back to the role that this
emotion of loss or depression could have on survival, occasionally we might see
a stray dog, old or badly disabled, and observe in its face the sad and dejected
image of loss. Perhaps the wise nature makes the animal behave like so in order
to save energy, and optimize that which is available for its recovery. However,
we tend to use our emotional state for our supposed benefit. Whenever we make a
decision or carry out a resolution we do it for more than one reason; in case we
have a single convincing reason for carrying out a certain action or attitude,
others would join and give force to that attitude or way of being. Thus, although in principle our apathetic
attitude seems to be moved only by disappointment or our conviction that nothing
is worth the trouble, that there is no future and any effort towards improving
it will only make us suffer more and make things worse, when suffering
depression other reasons will soon mount up, which, although they were
originally in the background, will soon acquire as much or even more validity
than the original reason to sustain that attitude. In that way, we will find a
lot of “comfortability” in that state of depression. In the special care we
get from our loved ones or some institution or part of the society, to small or
great efforts in our daily tasks that we will allow ourselves to avoid due to
our condition of being depressed. In short, every, or a great part of our
activities and thoughts will be aimed to consolidate even more the position
depression has in our being. How can we overcome the
emotion of loss or depression and its consequences?
As we all know, in the market there are a great amount
of drugs and psycotherapies destined to overcome that problem. In my opinion,
the right use of drugs, prescribed by a doctor to whom it corresponds, can be
very beneficial for the person who is seriously affected by depression. As for me, I can show what I have learnt
thanks to my own experience. Again it will be through observing with
attention our sensations and thoughts that we will be able to change our way of
thinking and acting, and, in short, our being. If we have worked sufficiently on the
practices we have seen in the previous chapters, our task will be simple. We
will be able to detect easily our sensations, in particular the emotion that
occupies us, and to observe that it is a thought, behind which there is a
powerful belief or cognition, the one that makes us experience that emotion.
That type of thought will always predict that everything is lost and making an
effort is not worth the trouble. Once we have been able to comprehend,
thanks to our own observation, those that cause our emotions are our own
thoughts, we will have won a great deal of the battle. Now there is another part
left, a little complicated and that requires a certain effort; but very
achievable thanks to the inner comprehension we have, a consequence of our own
observation of sensations and thoughts. We will have to change, progressively,
our thoughts and acts derived from the emotion of loss for another which will
help us to stay outside of their influence. In principle, the person influenced by that
emotion will see as the only reality that which this emotion dictates, in which
everything is pessimism. I will not put in doubt nor will I waver about if that
negative reality it is the real reality, or if the real reality is another more
positive; if things are really good or really bad. I Personally consider that things are the
colour of the glass we look through; that under the influence of the loss, we
perceive the reality in a totally different way from how we perceive it without
that influence. Which one of them is more real? To me, the one we live; but also
considering real, that our vision of reality changes according to what we think
and feel, and that our sensations and emotions are conditioned by our thoughts
and beliefs (cognitions). It is necessary to add to all this that good
observation allows us to analyze and reason suitably and to comprehend better
the nature of things and events that surround us, therefore our way of thinking
is more adapted to that comprehension, and our thoughts and emotions are
positive and free from inner conflict. Thus, a practical way to apply what we can
learn by means of the meditation techniques is to remain attentive to our
sensations, to observe each occasion in which our emotion arises from the loss,
and, then, observe how it has been thanks to a thought that this emotion of
sadness and discouragement has arisen from. If we follow the thread of the
thought we will be able to verify how, in fact, we think that nothing is worth
the trouble, that everything is lost, and that this thought has emerged from
that belief creating that emotion. Before that, we must question the
foundations that predict those sorts of thoughts and beliefs, to reach the
conclusion that those foundations are, to say the least, not very appropriate
and reasonable; and with an attitude of willing towards changing our way of
being and thinking, we will change those types of thoughts for others more
adequate, as much to our interest as to our comprehension. Thus, by means of the comprehension that
attentive self-observation offers us, we will always be able to find two
complete distortions of reality with which to debilitate those erroneous
foundations within the beliefs that give rise to our pessimistic thoughts. I will try to clarify this. People whose lives are conditioned to a
great extent by the emotion of loss or depression, find ominous consequences for
themselves before any situation or event, precisely due to their condition.
Thus, and since that state of pessimism affects the practical totality of their
daily life, or at least a great part of it, there are many occasions in which
they experience that emotion generated by a thought, and they feel and act under
the influence of it, without taking into account how distorted is the thought
that has given rise to this emotion of sadness and hopelessness, in respect to
the reality a more patient and careful view might offer. By means of a more suitable analysis and
observation, it will be easy for any affected person to see and comprehend how
lightly one runs into situations in which to verify, erroneously, ones
incompetence, blame, lack of future, lack of esteem, etc. For example, lets imagine a situation
that could be common to anyone. If somebody affected by that emotion goes
to buy bread and the bakery runs out of it, he will think, automatically, that
he has bad luck and will also feel as bad as he thinks, instead of being
conscious of his good luck because he can buy it in another shop, or eat
something else. In addition, he will think that if the bakery runs out
of bread it is because it was his turn to buy it, instead of thinking that it
has run out because they baked less bread than they expected to sell, or because
of some technical problem, or any other reason totally alien to him. If,
continuing with the example, our depressive person went home without bread and
they had words with him for not having got it, perhaps he would respond with
anger or perhaps not; but, without any doubt, to some extent, he would feel
guilty or incompetent; instead of thinking that those who told him off do not
understand and that it is not about who is to blame, but simply there was no
bread. And thus, a whole way of living and sensation, in which the moments when
our assertions and beliefs on which our careless thoughts are based, which in
the first instance caused those emotions, could be weakened. But, our mind is not usually satisfied with the first
approach or adequate assertion. In fact, these thoughts, which cause our
pessimism in numerous daily moments, are derived from a main belief of
everything being lost, that nothing is worth the trouble, that we will not be
able to survive, neither ourselves nor our hopes. Also, when faced with this
main falsification, which is a belief or cognition that accompanies and
reinforces all the others that arise periodically, we can reflect about that
which we have lost, knowing that, sooner or later, everyone dies. We are here
temporarily in spite of that but also for that same reason, we decide to live
every moment we have left to the full and as positively as possible. It is also possible that we feel a great loss at every
moment due to an enormous disappointment, or many of
them. In that case only by being conscious of it and comprehending it will we
have won half the battle, and to win the other half it will sufficient for us to
only relinquish the illusionary hope, the excessive desire for an ideal future.
We will accept the present with all its consequences, because it is what we
have, and we will try to see in it any reason for joy, looking for it with
determination, if we are truly
determined to change our situation. Thus, continuing with the previous example in which the affected person
finds that there is no bread, he (or she) will feel downcast and sad just the
moment he thinks he is unlucky. Before that scenario he can say to himself at
that very moment that it is not about good or bad luck, but the bread is out of
stock; it is nothing personal. Nevertheless, very possibly, once he has
surpassed that first negative belief, his mind will look for another that is
more powerful and convincing for him, even if it has nothing to do with the
present situation, as it is the reason or main belief of which he thinks nothing
in his life is worth the trouble. Before that he must use all his ability to observe and
remind himself, firstly, that this thought or belief, is not relevant in this
moment, because he is dealing with the problem that has created the uneasiness in
this moment (there was no bread in the bakery), this a reason why he should not
be influenced by other thoughts or negative beliefs; and, secondly, in relation
to the other, that there is nothing we could have lost, because nothing was
ours. In
my opinion things are black or white, depending on our perception, and we can
change this perception. Many people affected by this emotion might
have seen themselves, in a certain way, in the previous example. Sometimes,
comprehension of concepts by means of explanation is quite complicated, and the
examples help this comprehension and identification of the situations these
concepts refer to. For that reason I will give plenty of examples on this
delicate subject. Let’s imagine that somebody is watching
us and, suddenly, we experience that emotion (the emotion of loss). Any person
could feel some type of emotion when being observed by another. Some would feel
embarrassed, others alert, others proud, praised, flirted with, indifferent....
People affected by that emotion will think that those who observe them think
badly of them; and if they perceive that they are thinking positively
about them they will also feel bad and will think this is worse still, because
they will decide that the reason why they may think well of them is that they do
not know them, nor their negative reality, loaded with incompetence, etc. In
case they are not observed by anybody, as in the previous example, they will
also consider it negative; because they will think nobody cares about them due
to their condition. An adequate observation, analysis and behaviour when
faced with these types of thoughts, this will occur with similar characteristics
even if the situations and objects that trigger them are different, leads us
through questioning the veracity of those assumptions since, without a doubt, it
will always find two falsifications. The first in relation to the situation
itself. In the previous example, it will be enough to ask oneself if that person
is truly thinking and sensation in relation to us or what we believe, or if it
is just an assumption. In case that person thought badly of us and that is what
we are afraid of, Where is the sense in wishing he did not think so, when that
person has his/her own limitations? We will try to get to know ourselves and act
in the best possible way according to our knowledge, and influence others; but
we cannot change them. This is with respect to the falsification
that emerges in a specific situation or moment. In respect of the other falsification,
which this (and any others) is derived from, the one related to what we truly
think we lose when something similar happens to us, to which we will arrive
following the thread of the thought, we could ask ourselves... What is the most
I can lose if, indeed, that person thinks as badly of me, as I believe? Being
rejected by that person? And what do I lose because of that reason? Life?
Perhaps deep in our heart, or in the origin of our thought, we believe we will
not be able to survive by the mere fact of being rejected by someone. We will
have to reason with this and question every time these types of thoughts appear
in our mind making our emotions of sadness and discouragement arise. In the final instance, we will have to take
into account the way we want to be held in life and at what price; since, in
order to live freely and enjoy the emotions this offers to us, we will have to
loosen our bonds and let them go, even under the threat of... living. Thus, learning to detect each sensation we
experience from that emotion, or from those derived and related to it, such as
guilt, and to detect the thought that creates it, will be a good way to overcome
anxiety, as well as the belief or cognition it comes from, in order to question
and reduce it. In addition to this, it will be fundamental, to put oneself in
action; to carry out all types of activities that can form part of our daily
life, and try to look for and to be conscious of joy whenever we experience it,
without giving up on it. On the contrary; looking for it, without longing but
with determination. A question that people who live under the
constant influence of loss ask themselves on numerous occasions, is if living is
worth the trouble. On many occasions they consider it is better to die, and they
consider committing suicide, some even get to do it, as we all know. Others, although they do not commit suicide
in an imminent form, put themselves under a slower sort of suicide, consisting
of not taking care of themselves adequately or intentionally hurting themselves
with the purpose of contributing, to a certain extent, to the advent of their
death. They take alcohol or drugs at the time they think "We all have to
die of something; the sooner the better". Or they do not take their
medicine or feed themselves adequately aware of the serious damage this can do
to them. They think in a manner similar to those mentioned previously. There are
also those who decide to live with resignation for the time they have left,
without any hope of having joy and happiness again. For all of them, outside of suitable
meditation and behaviour which can help to change their situation, in a last
instance the decision, the attitude towards changing their situation, must be
theirs. Focusing on the
present moment, again we will be able to find the answer that will give the
solution to our doubts, our question about if it is worth living. We should not
look for a reward in the future; we must act in the present and for the present.
When faced with the dilemma of living and fighting to change our
condition being worth the trouble or not, we will have to focus on the
importance of living our present situation adequately. We must give it the
relevance it deserves. It does not matter if it is worth the trouble or not, or
if in the future we will find a reward or not. What matters is being, now, what
we decide to be; in this case there is nothing better to be than a fighter,
nothing better than living with the objective of putting ourselves in action,
than fighting to dismantle that framework of beliefs and thoughts that oppresses
and imprisons us. Being aware of every moment of our behaviour, in order to free
ourselves from our ties and to live as freely as possible, now. Conduct As in the rest of the components of our
personality, our conduct plays a more than important role. Our cognitions are
shaped by the learning that arises from the experience of our conduct. For that
reason, and since the conduct plays a very important role in people influenced
by the emotion of loss, because they are paralysed to a great extent by that
emotion, we will have to act accordingly to our objectives. Already, before we have started, due to the
mere fact that our enemy, the depression, also subdues us through our conduct,
we can guess that doing the opposite to that order of inactivity we will find
ourselves fighting against it. When we feel depressed and downcast, it will seem
to us that we cannot do anything; that we are not able to carry out any task.
There is nothing further from reality, it will be enough to
observe ourselves to see how our body obeys our will, and carry out tasks if we
request it to do so. Thus, no matter how little we wish to raise an arm, if we
exert our will and we order our arm to move, we can observe how, even without
excessive willingness, it does so. Also, even without much willingness, our feet
will move and take us for a stroll when we request them. Our
self observation whenever we can focus our attention will turn out to be very
helpful. Thus, we will be able to observe how at some moments we feel well with
ourselves or with the task we have carried out. It might be possible that our
general evaluation of how happy or sad our life is gives a negative balance; but
it does not mean that all the moments we live through the day are negative or
that we will feel sad. If we observe adequately we will be able to see that
there are times we like more than others and activities that are more pleasant
for us. We will try to comprehend why those activities or times are more
pleasant for us; and, mainly, we will try not to deny ourselves joy. When this
appears, there will be a kind of inner voice that will say... "Hey, don’t
be happy!; remember your condition!". We will be aware that, indeed, we
have many moments of sadness throughout the day; but... so what? It does not
have to prevent us from enjoying every moment when we feel good, well. We will
make an effort to continue enjoying, now consciously, the moment we are living.
We must leave to one side every sensation of guilt, which is great censorship
for our joy, and seize every opportunity to enjoy life and to love every moment
of it when we have the chance; it will add moments of joy that will weaken our
sadness; it will generate good karma. In respect to our sensations of guilt, we
can ask ourselves.... "What am I guilty of?" "Of having been born
mortal?” “Or ignorant?" "What are my faults?" "Is it
something I have not learnt before?" And answer within ourselves:
"There are no reasons to feel guilty about anything; I learn, I rectify and
I do what I can; I do not have any reason to consider myself guilty of
anything". Responsibilities, sense of duty, the
sensation of a heavy conscience, the sensation of guilt..., will make us think
that we do not have to relax and enjoy when it is possible; and, nothing further
from it. Small moments, like a hot bath, listening to a nice song, amusing ourselves in our thoughts..., are those that a life is made of. We will have to learn to enjoy those small moments that life offers us, and honour the joy that has been given to us. Giving up vices and unhealthy forms of life, because they are not necessary to live and, even less necessary, to be happy; far from it, they will only serve as a culture medium for our pain and suffering, as a consequence of trying to hide them behind those unhealthy forms. In short, to give up the illusion and focus in the present, savouring every moment life offers us, including our condition as people affected by the suffering; but in constant movement and struggle towards change, enjoying beauty whenever it appears. Taking advantage of our capacity for adaptation and change that our human nature offers us through attention and comprehension.
From
the book "Practical meditation, here and now", by Joaquín Carrizosa. |
